Year 3, week 12: Harvesting the Heart

This week's book:
Harvesting the Heart
By Jodi Picoult

Why are moms so tired? I can't speak for all the mothers in the world, but for this mom in particular, it's because I don't know if I ever get to the deepest level of rem sleep EVER anymore. I am always partly awake. Even when I want to sleep a small human needs something, to nurse or have me read Vampirina Ballerina for the millionth time, or discuss why you can't wake up in the middle of the night and play Zelda and not be tired in the morning. Yes I have an amazing husband and yes he does the dirty work of being a parent, he is my rock and I am insanely lucky to have him. Literally every adult has told me in very clear words that I am so lucky to have him as my partner because he is the best. I know this, trust me I know I have found my other half and no one would be better to me or really would be able to put up with my issues and personality.

This week's book is all about being a mother and how maybe not everyone is cut out for the job. Not every woman dreams of being a mother, having little tikes running around all over them, and that's okay. It is not for everyone. It bugs me so much when people ask when they are going to have a baby. Having kids is not for everyone. Maybe they want to travel or become some high powered such and such at their job, or maybe they don't want to be a mom. It's okay, you don't have to be flipping mom to be a human woman on the planet Earth. You can't go part-time as a parent, or I guess you can but I can't actually fathom being able to do it. I'm not meaning being a working mom, or a mom that has split-custody of their child because both of those situations doesn't mean you are not there for your child. I mean not being there emotionally and physically there. My children keep me guessing every step of the way. They make me happy and heartbroken, crying tears of joy and sadness but there is not one part of me that ever doubted that this is where I want to be. I have dreamt of being a mom for as long as I can remember.

The main character in the book seems like a leaf in the wind, she kinda just goes from place to place not making any choices. Her mother left when she was little and she doesn't want to be a mom, and guess what; when she marries this turd of a guy and she gets pregnant and becomes a mom, she gets super overwhelmed and runs, just like her mom. The book was written in 1993 and postpartum depression wasn't really talked about at the time. The main character is literally telling her husband and doctor how she is drowning with the new role she has and they don't listen. Having a new baby is overwhelming and it can seem like you can't leave the house or get back to what you were before this tiny human needed you for everything, especially if you are breastfeeding. I was lucky because I didn't suffer from postpartum depression; I had a supportive husband and I had my mother for a few months before she passed. I had started this book months ago and I kept putting it down because I became more and more pregnant with a baby I had been trying to have for two years, and I didn't want to read a book that was about some weak vanilla girl that had no backbone. But when I was able to listen to the book on Libby (app on my phone from my library) I was able to get through the book. It was actually perfect timing to read the book.
My role model as a parent is my mom. She passed away when I had only been a mom for about four months. I had just turned twenty-seven about two weeks before and I was heartbroken. I focused all my sadness into being the best mom that I could be. Did I become an awesome mom? Well, no. Do I try my best everyday? Nope, kinda, maybe, who knows?

I wasn't super impressed with the book if I'm honest. If you are set on reading one of Picoult's books just read one of her newer books, she has definitely gotten better the longer she has written. I would suggest Second Glances, it's my favorite of her books.